Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Is it penis luge time yet?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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