i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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