wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
