No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I think i got beer on your cat.
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