she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
