The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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