The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
