i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
