The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just found a bag of teeth...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
