Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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