Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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