ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
