our cab driver is having phone sex.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
