sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
