I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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