I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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