Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
