It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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