I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
