You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
