I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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