and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
