Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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