Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
