My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
