Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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