She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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