just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
