I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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