I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
