Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I need moral support for this bender
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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