We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
