The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Randomize
