I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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