it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Randomize
