Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
