she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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