I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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