guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
