Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize