Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
