whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
