YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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