Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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