you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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