Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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