Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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