I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
