yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize