She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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