New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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