just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
