Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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