dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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