are you still at the devil's house?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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