You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
