I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We need a shit load of segways right now
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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