One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
