ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
