it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize