I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
