At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize