Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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