dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
