you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
