I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
