There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
