we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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