Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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