I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
