Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
