We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize