Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
